Jennifer Shaw

Hi! Can you believe August is winding down? Daphne starts third grade next week, and, despite all my complaints about the challenges of this season, I have mixed feelings about summer ending.

When she’s at school, I’m never totally sure she’s okay. That doesn’t mean I don’t trust the staff. It just means, I’m no longer right there in the room with her so I can’t know absolutely if she’s 100% alright. She might trip and cut herself on the playground, and I don’t know about it until the nurse calls me. She might have a meltdown, but I don’t know she’s in distress until I get a text from her SpEd teacher. A student might say something cruel, and I can’t comfort her until I’ve been notified of the incident.

I just don’t have the same level of awareness I do when she’s at home, and that always brings a measure of worry.

Of course, worst-case scenario, a malicious person does hurt her, and I never know it because she can’t tell me or she can’t convey it precisely. It’s one of my worst fears… The chances of this happening at school are unlikely; if I thought it probable, we wouldn’t send her. Still, realistically, I know it’s always a possibility.

So when I drop her off at 8 am on Monday with Mrs. Wilkie, I will have a knot in my stomach until I take her little hand again at 2:45. There’s always a certain amount of anxiety simmering below the surface for her dad and me–we both jump when my phone rings or a text message pings–and summer is a respite from that.

I’m also a little sad because there have been some great moments in Daph’s vacation. She’s done a lot of things she can’t do in the cooler months, and I know she’ll miss them. She’s also made some great progress and regained some important ground.

As a tribute, then, and as an uplifting way to bid vacation adieu, I thought I’d share Daphne’s top five warm weather highlights.

TOP FIVE SUMMER HIGHLIGHTS

5. Rediscovering the joy of reading. When she was little, Daph was a voracious reader. She would choose a picture book from a coffee table behind our sofa, stacked high with probably thirty children’s titles. I would read it, she would study the pictures, she might request I read a certain part over, and then she’d sign for the entire book again. And again, sometimes. Then, we’d start a new book, and the process would repeat, over and over. We read something like a dozen+ books each day.

A few years ago, she lost some interest in reading. I’m not sure why except a lot was going on–she was potty-training, COVID was upending our schedules, we were moving across the country, etc. It made me sad, but I didn’t want to force a lot of reading on her. That’s a quick way to make a child dislike it.

This summer, though, she’s routinely brought her dad or me a book to read. Sometimes two a day, even. Her most frequent picks are her Pout Pout Fish early readers; she loves them.

This doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s something she’s authentically requesting and enjoying, and she’s choosing the books herself, so it gives me hope. Plus, I’ve been able to use this reading time to model more language on her AAC device and even do some casual think alouds to aid her comprehension. All good stuff!

4. Finding out she likes the gym. We’ve always thought gymnastics would be great for Daph, and there’s a reputable program right down the road from us in St. Johnsbury. This summer, I started taking her to their open gym sessions, and she’s loved playing on some of their equipment and exploring their space.

Her favorite thing is a giant, soft, cylindrical piece of equipment that has hooks, so I assume it gets hung/attached to something though I have no idea what it’s for. Anyway, Daph likes to climb and roll on it, and it’s a fantastic way for her to get sensory input.

She’s enjoyed open gym so much that we plan to enroll her in private lessons once a week. Our primary goal is for her to have fun; we want her to enjoy the movement, space, and people. Beyond that, I’d love for her to improve her coordination and gain some upper body strength, which will aid her fine motor skills.

All kids need an extracurricular activity they love–it makes for an enriching childhood and the development of qualities like dedication and resilience. I hope gymnastics might be that amazing extracurricular for Daph.

3. Growing her AAC vocabulary. Thankfully, Daphne has always loved her AAC device, her talker. We use the program TouchChat, and her school was great about getting me trained immediately in the best practices for supporting a child who uses AAC. Thus, we’ve always allowed her device to be hers, and we’ve implemented it in a child-centered, invitational, authentic manner. That means, we never require her to use it or demand she communicates certain words/phrases on it. We model our own language on it daily, especially in the context of things Daph enjoys, and she gets to watch and mimic as she likes. In this way, she has learned to love it and now regularly uses certain words and even phrases to communicate her needs, wants, and feelings.

This summer, she’s begun using several new words: soon, ocean, stick, fish, swim, mermaid, horseback riding, and frustrated, among others. You can see the pattern here–outdoor play! She’s even using certain phrases–read that book again, I love you, go to _____ (usually lake, home, or car) and It is. This is all fantastic progress! The more language we can show her, the better she can communicate, and the happier and more empowered she will be.

2. Regaining her float. When Daphne was three years old, we enrolled her in infant survival swim lessons, where she learned how to float, flip over, and swim a short distance to the side of the pool. She loved her lessons, and they were the first victim, sadly, of the pandemic. She hasn’t had formal lessons since, and I figured she’d lost her floating ability–for years afterward, I didn’t see her float in a pool or lake and when she tried, she struggled.

This year, she was determined to get her float back. She watched many old videos of herself floating at swim class with Miss Gabby, and then at the lake, I recognized her trying to do it again. Wisely, for once–haha!–I left her alone. I knew she’d remain more engaged and determined if I let her practice without my interference. And, voila! About midsummer, I saw her floating for a few seconds. Those seconds multiplied each time she practiced, and now, if she gets into a perfect position (head up, arms and legs stretched out but relaxed), she can float for a solid minute.

This is amazing and fantastic for obvious reasons. A lot of kiddos with autism are drawn to water, and drowning is a leading cause of death. Daphne is passionate about swimming. If, God forbid, she ever elopes to a body of water, her chances for surviving until someone rescues her are much better if she can float.

Better than that, arguably, is the fact that this is evidence of her own determination and independence. It’s not often I see clear evidence of her pushing herself to achieve something she wants, but this was definitely the case with her float. It goes to show what a smart, driven, resilient person she is, and we are so proud of her.

1. Spending time with her grandparents. Summer is the season of visitors, and this summer, Daph’s Grammy visited twice, and Grandma and Grandad came once for an extended stay. Daphne even got to see her Munkka, Grammy’s husband. She adores her grandparents and seeks lots of physical love and playful connection with them. Summer visits mean she can swim with them, too. She had a great time on a floatie with her Grandma, and she had THE BEST DAY EVER with her Grammy when they swam together at Crystal Lake, then moved on to the beautiful saltwater pool at The Wildflower Inn.

So there you are! Our summer’s been fabulous in many ways, despite all my complaining, and I am grateful for Daph’s growth and for all the love and support our families have given us on their visits.

Daphne’s regained her continence, too, which is a huge relief. All in all, I can’t complain… though I am ready to have back my schoolyear chunks of Me Time. I will get to write more easily, but I’m actually looking forward to lots of reading again. I’ve hardly been able to do any reading these last nine weeks, and I have so many great books to dive into!

On a final note, I have some exciting writing news! My story of familial love, “In Dreams and After,”– about a ghost determined to enter her mother’s dreams– is set to appear tomorrow, August 21st, in the debut issue of Paper Cranes Literary, when the magazine goes live!

I’m planning to push myself a little bit in the marketing aspect–meaning I will post about the publication and even share a little bit about the story on my Insta, all in the hope that anyone who’s interested will read the piece in the e-version and hopefully appreciate it or find it comforting or poignant.

And if they don’t, that’s okay.

It’s scary being so vulnerable, but publishing should mean I want those interested to read my pieces, even though they’re not perfect and might not be everyone’s cup of tea. I’m telling myself, they don’t have to be in either case. And, it’s okay if there are people secretly judging me for it, thinking I’m silly or reaching too high or my work sucks. Welcome to publishing, after all. Inevitably, all authors get some negative judgement–Writerthreads is full of anecdotes about that. You have to have a thick skin, and you have to be brave enough to embrace the vulnerability that comes with publicly sharing your work. I have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable,” as a book coach who specializes in marketing recently said, especially if I want to continue growing in this endeavor.

I hope you’ve had a good summer! I’d love to hear about your own seasonal highlights or any advice you have on handling vulnerability.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye! (Did you sing that in your head?)

Until next week!

XOXO,

Jenn